Post 3 in the Behind The Badge Series
When you’re married to someone in law enforcement, fear becomes a quiet part of your everyday life.
It’s not the kind of fear that screams, it whispers. It follows you through the day, lingers in the back of your mind, and keeps you wide awake when the house is finally still.
It’s the fear that rises when your husband doesn’t text back.
The fear when your phone rings late at night.
The fear when news breaks about a shooting, a traffic stop gone wrong, or an officer down and you hold your breath, praying it’s not him or even someone you know personally.
Early in his career, when my husband worked night shift, fear became something I tried to ignore just to function. I had babies to care for, a house to run, and a million things on my plate but underneath it all, I was always waiting.
Waiting for headlights in the driveway.
Anticipating the garage door opening.
Waiting for that beautiful sound of velcro.
Then came a day we never expected: our home was targeted simply because of the patrol car parked outside. That changed everything. It stripped away the illusion of safety and made the risks of this job feel terrifyingly close.
But nothing shook me quite like what happened in 2018.
An Officer for the city within the county my husband works for was killed in the line of duty. I remember seeing his photo on the news and the sick feeling in my stomach. I didn’t know him personally, but I didn’t have to because his family now carried the weight of the badge in an unimaginable way. His death made it all real in a new way.
That could’ve been us.
It still could be.
But God!
Here’s what I’ve learned: I can’t place my peace in circumstances. I can’t place it in policies, people, or even my own preparation. My peace has to be rooted in something deeper, stronger, eternal.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
—Isaiah 41:10
That verse is highlighted in my Bible, prayed, and wept over. Because this life does come with real risks. And yes, fear will visit, but it doesn’t get to move in.
We protect our homes, we teach our kids safety, and we support our husbands with everything we’ve got; but at the end of the day, our true security is in the One who never sleeps, never changes, and never walks away.
To the spouse who’s afraid: I see you.
You are brave for showing up anyway.
You are faithful for loving through the unknown.
And you are held, by a God who knows every detail and promises to walk with you through it all.
💬 Journal Prompt:
What fears have been weighing on your heart lately? What helps you remember that God is still in control, even when life feels out of it?
Missed Post Number One or Post Number Two?
Leave a Reply