The Hidden Damage of Holding In Stress:

Why Processing Stress Is Essential for Mental and Physical Health

We Think We’re Being Strong, But At What Cost?

As parents, we often operate in survival mode. Someone needs a snack, the laundry isn’t going to fold itself, work deadlines are looming, and there’s a child crying over the color of their cup. So, we push our own feelings aside. “I’ll deal with it later,” we tell ourselves. But later rarely comes.

What we may not realize is that holding in stress and brushing off our emotional needs doesn’t just disappear with time, it compounds. Our bodies and minds are taking the hit, and eventually, the price shows up in ways we can’t ignore.

The Physical Impact of Suppressed Stress

Science backs this up. When we chronically suppress stress, our bodies stay in a state of heightened alertness. This activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, releasing cortisol (the stress hormone) in unhealthy amounts. Over time, this leads to:

High blood pressure
Increased risk of heart disease
Weakened immune response
Sleep disturbances
Gastrointestinal issues

(Source: American Psychological Association)

Studies have even linked chronic stress to inflammation in the body, which plays a role in autoimmune conditions, weight gain, and chronic pain. We think we’re “fine,” but our bodies tell a different story.

Mental Health Suffers When We Don’t Process Our Emotions

Bottling up emotions doesn’t make them go away it buries them deep, only to resurface as anxiety, depression, or irritability. Mental health professionals call this emotional suppression, and it’s been associated with:

Lower life satisfaction
Increased depressive symptoms
Poor relationship quality
(Source: Gross & John, 2003, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)

Suppressing emotion doesn’t just affect us, it affects our ability to parent. Kids sense when we’re overwhelmed, and when we don’t have tools to regulate ourselves, we pass on a culture of emotional disconnection.

“Mental Health Days” Aren’t a Luxury, They’re a Lifeline

As parents, it can feel selfish to take time to ourselves. But the truth is, mental health breaks are a necessity. Taking time to regulate, breathe, cry, pray, journal, or go for a walk isn’t indulgent, it’s responsible.

We don’t need to wait for burnout to act. Preventative self-care is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves and our children.

Healthy Ways to Release Stress (Even in Small Moments)

Name what you’re feeling – Use a journal or voice notes to say, “I feel overwhelmed right now.” Naming your emotions is a powerful start.
Move your body – Walk, dance, stretch. Movement is a scientifically supported method to complete the “stress cycle.” (Nagoski & Nagoski, Burnout)
Talk it out – A friend, spouse, therapist, or support group can hold emotional space for you.
Cry – Crying isn’t weakness. It’s a physical and emotional release that reduces cortisol levels.
Rest intentionally – Lay in stillness, breathe deeply, or spend 10 minutes with God.
Make space for joy – Laughter, play, and silliness help rewire your brain toward safety and calm.

Parents, You’re Allowed to Feel

This is your permission slip: you don’t need to earn your rest. You don’t need to justify your feelings. Holding in stress isn’t strength, it’s survival. Real strength comes from honesty, vulnerability, and taking care of your full self.

We don’t need to be perfect. But we do need to be real: with ourselves and with our emotions.

So go ahead and cry, breathe, vent, pause, and feel. Your health depends on it.

References (APA Style):

American Psychological Association. (2020). Stress in America™ 2020: A national mental health crisis. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2020/report

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.

Read more about The Power of Journaling.