I was standing in the kitchen, knee-deep in dinner prep, when my phone buzzed. It was a text from the school: “Hi, your child is feeling sick. Can you come pick them up?” Not a parent. Not dad. Me. Again.
It wasn’t the first time.
It won’t be the last.
And it made me pause and think—why is it always assumed that mom is the one to call? Why is my name the one on speed dial, even though my husband is just as capable, just as loving, just as present?
We live in a world that talks about progress, equality, and balance. But when it comes to parenting, especially the everyday, behind-the-scenes stuff, mothers are still expected to be the ones who carry the mental load—and often without complaint.
While I love being a mother—and I truly do—I also believe it’s time we talk about how unfair and exhausting it is to be treated as the default parent.
What Does “Default Parent” Mean?
The term “default parent” refers to the one who is automatically expected to handle all things related to the kids—often without question. If a child is sick, the school calls mom. If the permission slip needs signing, they hand it to mom and when there’s a birthday party, field trip, or after-school issue, it’s assumed mom knows.
This isn’t always about single-parent homes or situations where one parent is clearly more available. In many households where both parents work or are actively involved, moms still tend to carry the invisible responsibilities—the mental checklist that never ends.
We remember when the kids last had their medication and schedule doctor appointments months in advance. We plan birthday parties, monitor screen time, coordinate playdates, restock snacks, keep track of laundry, and somehow remember which kid likes their sandwich cut in triangles.
All this, while often juggling jobs, church commitments, community involvement, and personal dreams.
It’s not just tiring. It’s overwhelming. And it’s often unacknowledged.
It’s Not About Blame—It’s About Balance
Let me be clear: this isn’t about blaming our spouses or partners. Many dads are deeply engaged, helpful, and trying their best. But even in the most supportive partnerships, there’s often an unspoken assumption that mom leads.
And what’s more frustrating is how our culture reinforces it. When a dad takes his kids to the park or makes lunch, he’s praised for being “involved” or “such a great dad.” Meanwhile, when a mom does the same, it’s just expected. Standard. Routine.
There’s a double standard at play here. One that not only burdens moms but also sidelines dads who want to be more present but may not be invited into the rhythm of daily parenting.
This is about balance. About shifting the narrative. About raising awareness so we can share the weight more equally—so both parents feel empowered and appreciated.
Our children benefit when they see both parents as nurturing, reliable, and engaged. It sets a healthier, more realistic model for the next generation.
Even Jesus Didn’t Go It Alone
When I feel like I have to do everything, I think about the ministry of Jesus.
Even Jesus—fully God, fully capable—didn’t carry His mission alone. He invited twelve disciples to walk beside Him. He delegated, equipped, taught, and empowered them. Jesus welcomed help from women like Mary and Martha. He leaned on the Father in prayer. He even paused to rest.
So why do we, as mothers, believe we must shoulder the full burden of parenting without support? Why do we think asking for help is weakness when even our Savior modeled collaboration?
Parenting was never meant to be a one-person act. God designed families to operate in unity. Yes, mothers are uniquely gifted with certain instincts, but that doesn’t mean we were meant to parent in isolation.
Let’s follow Christ’s example—not just in love and service—but in how He chose to walk through life: in partnership, community, and shared purpose.
A Prayer for the Overwhelmed Mom
If you’ve ever cried quietly while folding laundry…or if you’ve ever gone to bed with a to-do list racing through your mind…or if you’ve ever felt unseen, unappreciated, or just flat-out exhausted…
This is for you.
You are not weak. You’re not failing. You are carrying more than your share. And it’s okay to say, “I can’t do this alone.”
It’s okay to ask for help. To speak up when the burden is too heavy. To share the parenting load and teach your children that it’s not just mom’s job to hold it all together.
So today, I’m praying for all of us—the tired mamas, the ones feeling the weight of being the default parent, and the ones slowly finding the courage to let go of that title.
Lord,
Thank You for the gift of motherhood.
Thank You for entrusting us with these little lives, for shaping us through both joy and exhaustion.
But Father, we are tired.
Help us release the pressure to be all things to all people.
Help us ask for help—not out of weakness, but out of wisdom.
Open the hearts of our partners, our families, our communities, to see the unseen work we do.
And remind us daily that You are with us, carrying us when we can’t carry everything ourselves.
Amen.
We were never meant to be the default.
We were meant to be partners—in marriage, in parenting, and in grace.
Let’s keep having the conversation. Let’s keep lifting each other up.
And most of all, let’s remember we are seen and loved by the One who holds it all together—even when we feel like we’re falling apart.
Need some encouragement? Read this post about Devotionals for Moms.
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